Chiron November 1, 1996- February 26 , 2011

We have a story – Chiron and Paul and Kimberley. This morning I thought I could tell it, but for now we tell the story, bit by bit, to one another. After the lights are out for the night, we lean into each other and remember.

I am grateful for the  kind veterinarian. Before the actual overdose of anesthesia the vet sedated him and gave us as much time as we needed with him. His pain ebbed and his body relaxed. His eyes opened all the way for the first time in days. He watched and listened to us putting his paw out on my hand (an old habit of his). I held him in my arms until he was gone. It surprised the vet that he didn’t have the usual shudder and last gasps. Very peaceful.

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We Are All Interconnected. Really.

I’ve been in the midst of experiences that have fundamentally shifted my idea of who I am, who you are, and what it means to belong in this world. Sometimes I dreaded the hard work of becoming and other times found my self dancing – literally dancing – in my living room. I’m not sure what returning to this space will look like, feel like – but I do know I’m returning full of gratitude and with access to a courage I didn’t know I had.

This morning, still only slightly caffeinated, I thought about these things and browsed through some of my favorite blogs. At Kind Over Matter I found this. My heart bounced around in my chest with a steady rhythm of “yes! yes! yes!” – All of us, all of life, is interconnected. We need each other, we are each other. I’m celebrating that today.

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Morning Shadow and Light

I’ve avoided self-portrait. But I’m shifting, opening, transforming. And Brene Brown’s book “The Gifts of Imperfection” touched me deeply. I begin to lean into my vulnerability.This grainy picture from my phone is a symbol of that leaning. It’s early morning me before coffee, before hair brushing and that touch of lipstick and mascara that I sometimes use as a mask. Like the picture I’m imperfect – full of shadow and light.

Will you lean into vulnerability with me?

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Rest. Finally.

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A Hint of Sun

After a few days of rain, a hint of sun in the morning. And I’m making bread pudding with whisky sauce as my  dinner offering tomorrow. I might have put just a drop more whisky than necessary – but it’s cooked so it doesn’t matter. Right?

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It Never Rains In Southern California?

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Before the Rain

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Miracle: My Son Sent Pictures.

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Tender

This captured me this morning. I needed it. The tenderest scene I’ve experienced in a movie. http://www.wimp.com/loveyourself/#

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Spacious Heart

“When you begin to touch your heart, you begin to discover that it’s bottomless, that it doesn’t have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless…And if you follow your heart, you’re going to find that it is often extremely inconvenient…Get used to the feeling of falling.”   ~Pema Chodron~

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